New Friends and New Enemies

I awoke to two very new sensations. First, a drop of water splashed upon my cheek, gently waking me from my deep slumber. Second, a putrid smell rose through my nostrils. The strength of this smell overwhelmed me and I immediately jumped to my feet. The world was dark. I must have slept longer than I realized. As I rose, I noticed not only was my cheek wet from the apparent raindrop but also by groin was drenched. I frowned. I hadn't realized I had wet myself during my slumber. Wait, this urine seemed different. Having wet myself many times before I knew the smell of my own pee. I bent over and smelled my own crotch. Just as I had suspected. This was not my own urine! This was dog piss! AH! I ripped my pants from my legs with a flourish. What the hell? This offense was completely uncalled for! This dog shall pay and he shall pay dearly. I quickly patted myself down for any other unknown happenings during the day. I reached into my left breast pocket and there I withdrew a letter. Some message from Brian Bunderson wanting a smoke combined with a pancake! It sounded delicious. Since the Jewish church had to be done with their service for the day I decided to seek out this Brian Bunderson. Perhaps even I could persuade him to join my quest. For I would need help. Lots of help. Pants-less, I set out from the graveyard at a brisk pace. The rain began to fall harder and I ran faster. Sensing that the heavens were about to open up, I threw myself into Mr. Foo's asian restaurant. This is familiar, I commented aloud. The entire restaurant had turned to stare at the man soaked to the bone wearing no pants. Suddenly finding myself hungry and needing some clean pants I walked up to the waiter and said, "May I have five sushi rolls and a pair of jeans please?" Everyone had been speechless to this point. Then she burst. "AHDJKAFGAIJHFAUIHFAKJFHASKJNFAJSFNAKJSBDFLAJSDFIAUGFBIWEUBFAUYS!" Asians, I thought to myself. "I do not think that you understand," I said slowly, "I need five sushi rolls and..."Get out. NOW." A small old asian man had interrupted me. Turning to him I began staring him down. He did not back down. This man has a strong character, I thought. Perhaps I will need him later. Turning, I waltzed out of the restaurant and back into the rain. Returning to the horrendous elements, I noticed from the awning of Mr. Foo's that there were pidgeons attempting to fly in the torment. Not just one or two stupid pigeons, but many flights of pidgeons. They flights were haphazardly designed as the strong storm wind buffeted the poor pigeons to and fro. Frowning upon the pure randomness of this occurrence I decided just to not worry about such things. Life is not dealt with by watching, but by doing. This being so, I continued out into the rain. Pants were on my priority list now. I raced through the poop ridden, wet, and slippery streets slipping and sliding back to my apartment. Opening my apartment door, which I always keep unlocked in case anyone would want to visit me, I go to my dresser and begin throwing clothes in the air, searching for some clean pants. No pants come to my finding. Funny, I thought, has someone possibly stolen all of my pants? I sigh and look out the window. The rain has stopped. Then a streak of white ran across the sky. Another followed it. Joined by another. And then many more filled the sky. A meteor shower had begun.