Monday, May 2, 2011


My unsuccessful day was not contributed to my actions. All day I had screamed and yelled at the people walking past my booth. I had waved my arms and hopped from foot to foot in order to try and get the peoples attention. However, for some reason the harder I attempted to draw the crowds gaze, the more it seemed they averted their eyes to my actions. What was their problem? Its not like I'm delirious or anything. This crisis required help. So, at the end of the day, I closed down my booth, gathered my maps and set out into the carnival. If there was one place this Bunderson could be, It would be somewhere here in the carnival. I found him being trampled by a horde of running blonds. I yelled at him but his gaze seemed fixed away. I followed his eyes and saw a naked man. Hm. Maybe this Bunderson is a fruit. Knowing I had no want to associate with people like this I turned on my heel and left. Where would I find help now?

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Carnival

A fly buzzed around the dimly lit, very disorderly apartment. It had crept in through a crack in the wall, drawn by the smell of rotten fruit. The bedroom was unkempt and clothes were strewn everywhere about the floor. It passed on into a living room where the structure paralleled the disorganized bedroom. It passed over the head of a sleeping man wearing only a bathrobe, whose hair and grizzled beard showed that he had not showered or groomed himself in the past few weeks. As the fly buzzed over his head, still seeking the smell of rotten bananas in the kitchen, the man stirred.
I was quite suprised to be awoken from my slumber from just the buzzing of one fly. It seemed that noise would have been one just to pass me over, as I continued my sleep. Then I realized. I had been awoken by this fly for a reason. Insects now roamed the skies again! It was time! I sprang from my chair, not noticing how it fell backward and crashed on the floor. I ran to my window and threw the shutters open. Sunlight sprang forward and lighted my apartment, bringing a warm touch to my pale skin. I shouted and whooped for joy! Turning a full 180 degrees, I skipped back to my table where my array of maps and writing were located. I grabbed some dirty pants and a used t-shirt from the floor hurriedly slipping them on. Scooping my maps up, I made a dash for the door. Outside my apartment, I noticed people heading one way down the street. Glancing in that direction, I noticed a carnival had set up shop in the vacant lot next to the animal shelter and the old cinema. I smiled. Perfect for promoting my discovery! I jogged down the street and went up to the ticket man at the entrance. Scooping up money I found in my pocket, I paid for a booth and immediately set up shop. The title "New World Discovery" I thought would be able to bring in many people. My maps and drawings I posted up on the walls of my booth and put on a charming smile for the coming crowds. I received no visitors. Patience I told myself. Yet, as the day wore on I still recieved not one guest. Not one.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Things had begun to change for me during the past few months. After my escapade around town, I had realized society was not quite ready for my discovery so I had yet again closed off my ingenious brilliance to the world. My plan needed more structure and simplicity. I believe the public had to be braced for my world changing discovery. Humans as a collective whole were a simple and one-sighted species. They tend to delve into every fad or craze that a person could want at that time. Fortunately, there were some outliers from this simple race. I am one of these beings. People like me tend to be the ones who advance the world in which we live. With my discovery, I was about to do just that. Yes, the world will seem very different once everyone knows the world is round.
So I had closed my door and locked my locks. My windows were shut and my shades were drawn. I went back to my maps, brought out my calculus books, and scrolled through the pages of history. I drew shapes, figures, and lines. My mind went wild. I was lost in a crazed world. The crazed world of reality. It snowed outside. A wet depressing snow. I did not know and would not know until later. I was waiting for spring.

Monday, September 27, 2010

New Friends and New Enemies

I awoke to two very new sensations. First, a drop of water splashed upon my cheek, gently waking me from my deep slumber. Second, a putrid smell rose through my nostrils. The strength of this smell overwhelmed me and I immediately jumped to my feet. The world was dark. I must have slept longer than I realized. As I rose, I noticed not only was my cheek wet from the apparent raindrop but also by groin was drenched. I frowned. I hadn't realized I had wet myself during my slumber. Wait, this urine seemed different. Having wet myself many times before I knew the smell of my own pee. I bent over and smelled my own crotch. Just as I had suspected. This was not my own urine! This was dog piss! AH! I ripped my pants from my legs with a flourish. What the hell? This offense was completely uncalled for! This dog shall pay and he shall pay dearly. I quickly patted myself down for any other unknown happenings during the day. I reached into my left breast pocket and there I withdrew a letter. Some message from Brian Bunderson wanting a smoke combined with a pancake! It sounded delicious. Since the Jewish church had to be done with their service for the day I decided to seek out this Brian Bunderson. Perhaps even I could persuade him to join my quest. For I would need help. Lots of help. Pants-less, I set out from the graveyard at a brisk pace. The rain began to fall harder and I ran faster. Sensing that the heavens were about to open up, I threw myself into Mr. Foo's asian restaurant. This is familiar, I commented aloud. The entire restaurant had turned to stare at the man soaked to the bone wearing no pants. Suddenly finding myself hungry and needing some clean pants I walked up to the waiter and said, "May I have five sushi rolls and a pair of jeans please?" Everyone had been speechless to this point. Then she burst. "AHDJKAFGAIJHFAUIHFAKJFHASKJNFAJSFNAKJSBDFLAJSDFIAUGFBIWEUBFAUYS!" Asians, I thought to myself. "I do not think that you understand," I said slowly, "I need five sushi rolls and..."Get out. NOW." A small old asian man had interrupted me. Turning to him I began staring him down. He did not back down. This man has a strong character, I thought. Perhaps I will need him later. Turning, I waltzed out of the restaurant and back into the rain. Returning to the horrendous elements, I noticed from the awning of Mr. Foo's that there were pidgeons attempting to fly in the torment. Not just one or two stupid pigeons, but many flights of pidgeons. They flights were haphazardly designed as the strong storm wind buffeted the poor pigeons to and fro. Frowning upon the pure randomness of this occurrence I decided just to not worry about such things. Life is not dealt with by watching, but by doing. This being so, I continued out into the rain. Pants were on my priority list now. I raced through the poop ridden, wet, and slippery streets slipping and sliding back to my apartment. Opening my apartment door, which I always keep unlocked in case anyone would want to visit me, I go to my dresser and begin throwing clothes in the air, searching for some clean pants. No pants come to my finding. Funny, I thought, has someone possibly stolen all of my pants? I sigh and look out the window. The rain has stopped. Then a streak of white ran across the sky. Another followed it. Joined by another. And then many more filled the sky. A meteor shower had begun.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


I took the steps three at a time, crashing down from the fourth floor upon which I lived. My mind swirled. This discovery gave me a step ahead. I had to get going. First, I must report my discovery to the world! I hit the bottom floor with a bang and swept the doors open. Sunlight bathed my face. I opened my mouth took a humongous breath. Then, I let it out. "THE WORLD IS ROUND!," I bellowed. Birds chirped, people stared. I put my hands on my hips, put my chest out, and beamed masterfully. The people turned and continued on their way. Expected of course. They would not understand this preposterous epiphany just yet. I must talk to someone important and quickly. I rushed toward the closest religious building. Setting off at a brisk jog I crossed the road and headed for the Jewish affiliation near the cemetery. As I was running, I glanced into the playground area. There sitting on the ground was a nudist. Frowning upon the crudeness of this man I continued on my way. The short jog had left me winded. I did need to cut down on my alcoholic intake. Oh whatever. I bounded up the steps, slammed the double doors wide open, and entered the Jewish church. An entire congregation turned and peered at me disapprovingly. Oops. That was right. Jews holy day was Saturday, not Sunday. I tried a smile. The congregation didn't reply. "I'll just come back later then?" The frowns deepend. "Right then, uhhhh..." I turned, closed the doors and disappeared down the steps. I turned and headed for the graveyard. The gate creaked open when I pushed it gently. "It sure is eerie even in the bright sun." I said aloud. This comment seemed to boost my self confidence enough so I stepped forward. Pacing myself, I weaved in and out of the stones. I felt more at home now, more within my own realm. Finding a particularly spiky and ground down looking marker I laid down, rest my head upon the stone waited. In the afternoon sun, my eyes drooped and I was soon asleep.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The World is Round

I pored studiously over the map, my mind calculating, thinking, attempting to discover the secrets in which it held. My mind was cluttered. It pointed to something. All of it pointed to something. Shelves, rising high with books covered in notes. Drawings, connecting points in my head. Then maps, placed high on low, on walls and on tables, on shelves and counters. The apartment was crammed with millions of clues and hints. They laughed at me. These maps. They mocked me. They were the key. They pointed to an idea, a theory. I just could not discover the secret! But this map, this one that spread itself wide on the table before me, this one was the one. The one that led to my discovery. I just could not uncover the secret! Filled with rage, I swept a large stack of papers to the flow. They fluttered down, spread across the already filled floor. Cursing quietly, I bent to retrieve my mistake. But suddenly, something caught my eye. One sheet stood out. Picking it up, my mouth dropped open. Turning, I stared at the map. Colored pins scattered the perimeter while some stood upright in obsequious positions, marking their own territories carefully. Gaping, I stumbled then caught myself. I grabbed a marker and began to draw lines. Pin to pin, line to line a small smirk crept upon my face. The smirk turned into grin. The grin evolved into a huge smile that stretched eerily from ear to ear. I had found it! I had defeated my nemesis! I would now be able to conquer the world! To think of the possibilities! I had to spread the word. I had to plan and prepare. I must get this urgent message out to the world. I scooped up the map and sprinted out the door, shouting I have done it! I have made a perilous discovery! THE WORLD IS ROUND!!!!!